Tuesday, March 27, 2012

A Journey, Indeed

A Constant Struggle
I’ll never forget the day I started my first diet. I was nine years old, and weighing in at a plump 126 pounds. As I stepped on the scale at my pediatrician’s office and watched the scale reveal those horrifying numbers, I quietly dabbed my tears on the sleeve of my Tweety Bird sweatshirt. If someone would have told me then that I would struggle with my weight for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t have believed them.

Nonetheless, my weight struggles and body image issues followed me around my entire life. After several months of dieting and strict limitations by my parents, I lost a measly 11 pounds and reached 115 pounds; a size nearly 40 pounds heavier than all of my friends.

It was then that I realized that I would forever be different. Now, let’s not forget that I’m 5’9” (this, of course, was always my favorite excuse for why I weighed so much), so I'll always weigh more than those cute little petite girls that I’ve always wanted to look like.

As I entered middle school, I was still a bigger girl, but not nearly as big as the “fat” girls in my school. These poor girls were much bigger than I, and had serious self-esteem issues. I wonder if they knew that someone half their size was going through the same torment as they were? Probably not.

Even in my early years of high school, I was bigger, but still a cute girl. I wore about a size 13 and “large” shirt size, so I could still squeeze my way into the trendy junior fashions.

Losing Control
It wasn’t until the summer between my junior and senior year of high school that things took a turn for the worse. During that summer, I gained about 30 pounds, putting me at 210 pounds. Think that’s bad? Just wait, it gets worse. As my senior year continued, I packed on an unsettling amount of weight.

At my high school graduation ceremony, I crossed the stage at 251 pounds, and honestly believed that I looked good. It wasn’t until a month and a half later that I woke up and faced reality.

One afternoon, I was walking to my bedroom at my parent’s house, and caught a glimpse of my body in the bathroom mirror. It was then that I finally saw myself, or whoever that giant girl was. I was shocked. I locked myself in my bedroom, and cried myself to sleep at 5:30 p.m.

The next day, I decided it was time to transform myself. I started an intense diet and exercise program that would yield me unbelievable results. In only 45 short days, I dropped 40 pounds, and started my first day of college at 211 pounds.

Throughout college, I gained and lost steadily; my weight ranged anywhere from 211 pounds to 175 pounds. Upon graduating from college, I was 195 pounds and ranging between a size 14 and 16. 

Where I'm at Now
Now, nearly three years later, I am 100 pounds lighter and wearing a size 6, but still not satisfied with my body image. I know what you’re thinking, what more do I want, right? Yeah, I often think the same thing. I wish it was that easy to see the progress I’ve made, but I suffer from a psychological condition called Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).

This condition is very prominent among those with eating disorders, as well as young people whose bodies undergo a total transformation. With this condition, you only see the way you really look, sometimes. Other times, I look in the mirror and see that sweaty, 18 year old, 251 pound girl.

However, with regular reassurance exercises, I’ve managed to live a healthy, normal life with this condition. Although BDD sometimes gets the best of me, I usually feel back to normal the next day. In a way, I hate BDD, but in another way, I love it; it’s almost like a really annoying trophy of the success I’ve made.

Now What?
Now that I’ve gotten my weight to a healthy place, I’ve been focusing heavily on exercise and nutrition. I work out about 4 times per week, and cook healthy recipes that I spend hours searching for on Pintrest, and pin to my Nutrish & Delish board. You can view all of my favorite recipes and workouts that actually work right here on my blog!

My goal for you, and myself, is to live each day to the fullest. By getting your mind and body in the right place, you can do just that.
Follow Me on Pinterest

30 comments:

  1. Wow, good job! You look great! I'm trying to lose weight too. It's hard though! I've gained 35 pounds in the past 11 months, which I know isn't THAT bad, but being 5'1, every pound shows. I'm attempting again at a diet and exercise plan, hopefully this time I keep up with it :) But really, you look great!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey Shelby, thanks for commenting! I know exactly how you feel, and weight gain is SO annoying and discouraging. If you're looking for a great way to get motivated, I'd suggest trying out new and exciting recipes and exercises. I find most of my cooking and work out inspiration on Pintrest, but you can find your inspiration wherever you choose! Good luck to you, Shelby!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Vicki Seagraves (White)March 28, 2012 at 11:25 AM

    Aww, that makes me sad to know that you felt that way in school!! I've always seen you as the funny, outgoing girl who was always nice to everyone! I never saw you as "the 251 lb girl", and I would guess that no one else did either. You're personality is so contagious, I can't imagine anyone judging you on anything else! But I'm so happy that you're where you want to be health-wise! That's a huge success and you look amazing!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you, Vicki! I really appreciate that; I got goosebumps when I read it :) thank you so much for the support and kind words.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You look awesome, Kaddie! Your results are very motivating. Life being a fatty just isn't fun, I know how it goes too. I am going to follow your lead and I am dedicating my next 40 lbs weight loss to you!! I will be Zumba'ing. But no matter what weight, you've always been there for me. You're an awesome friend and person and I'm glad that everything is clicking very well in your life and proud to have you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Sethie! You've always been there for me, no matter what the scale said, and I'll always love you for that! I'm honored that you're dedicating your weight loss to me! Thanks so much for the support and kind words!

      Delete
  6. Look at you, Skinny Minnie!! You look fabulous!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow Girl! You can write! And you look great! I must agree with Vicki, I never once saw you as "the 251 lb girl". Your personality was very contagious! Keep up the great work, and I will definitely be following you for some delicious healthy recipes! I'm so happy for you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Christina! I really appreciate that! I'm so happy to hear you'll be following, I can't wait to share some fun tips and DELICIOUS recipes with everyone!

      Delete
  8. Katie your beautiful. I never really knew this is how you have felt. It makes me sad. I love you so much and idolize you. You are a awesomely beautiful person and I would never change a thing about you! I want you to always be happy! And btw you look sooooo good in the recent picture!!! Im going to need you tips and advice to lose this baby weight afterwards! Love you tons! This is Jessica btw too I don't have any of these accounts to put as my profile.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, Jess, I love you too! Thank you so much for the kind words, you've always been such a great person to be friends with. If there's anyone I can be myself around, it's you. I'd be happy to share some recipes and tips with you after baby Natalie arrives! Until then, live it up and eat all the Chinese food you can! Haha!

      Delete
  9. WOW, Katie! You are an absolute inspiration. Seeing that I could not fathom going through what you have, I congratulate you on your successes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Garrett! I'm so honored to be such an inspiration; that was certainly not my intent in posting this! I simply wanted to share my story with others, as it has been quite a journey. But, now, hearing that others have been inspired by me, I feel so lucky to have such supportive friends. Thanks so much for the kind words!

      Delete
  10. That's awesome Katie!! I have known you since we became good friends in 6th grade. I had know idea you had that problem since you never showed it. Keep up the good work & I'll keep following your blog! Btw this is Becky.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the support, Becky! I'm so glad I could share my story with you!

      Delete
  11. Katie, the moment I read you started a blog, I immediately clicked the link. I've ready your writing in college and feel I can say how raw and open you're being. We've shared a lot to each other but I'm still finding moments when I'm learning more about you and what you're going through. And being so far away from you, reading your blog, I feel closer to you. You were my light and my strength when I met you in college and I'm so lucky and proud to have you in my life. I can still say I've never met anyone like you. My face always hurts from smiling and laughing so much. I love how big your heart is. You continue to bring me such happiness in knowing you. Thanks for sharing this with the world, your ups and downs, and know that I will always be reading and caring about you, and I can't wait to read more! Sending you all my love from Connecticut!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God, Whitney... I miss you so much it hurts. Thank you for supporting me all the way across the country. It's people like you who kept me motivated and focused on my goals. From the day I met you, I knew we would always share a connection. I'll never forget the way you touched my life during college, and the way you continue to touch my life nearly 1000 miles away. Thank you for always being someone I can count on, and thank you for your continued support. No matter where our lives take us, I know I can always call you my best friend. I love you.

      Delete
  12. Hey girl, you look amazing and you're a true inspiration! I will be following along as I'm finishing up losing that last little bit of my baby weight. Keep up your hard work!
    Jackie Hottelman

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Jackie! I'm so happy to hear you'll be following, this weekend I'll be posting a healthy cupcake recipe :) stay tuned! I appreciate your support so much!

      Delete
  13. Keep up the good work. Your efforts are showing great results.
    Picky

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hi Kate I too have always struggled with my weight, I have recently started to loose my weight. I am still about 70 pounds away from where I would like to be. Reading your blog has had many emotions stir up in me. It hurts me that young girls and women are judged by the amount of weight that they carry with them. It shows that through your early years in school and your more recent years in college that you have been so much more than a number on the scale, people enjoy the person that you are. You need to make it up in your own mind that you are a wonderful person whether you weigh 251 pounds or you weigh 125 pounds. I am happy that you feel better about yourself, but I wish the world could except people for who they are, not who they see in magazines or television.

    Sincerely,
    I'm Just Sayin'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi I'm Just Sayin',
      I couldn't agree with you more. What the media does to a young girl's body image is just horrible. I wish that people could see that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Even more, I wish people would understand that everyone is fighting their own battle, and being cruel to them about something as superficial as their weight is just devastating. I'm so glad you commented; one of the goals of this blog is to remind people that losing weight and getting fit should never be to impress others, it should be for yourself and your health. I'm so happy to share my story with others, and to share some fun and different ways to get on the fast track to a healthy, active lifestyle.

      Delete
  15. Sara Carr (Rose)May 16, 2012 at 10:18 AM

    You look fantastic! Way to go, I really wish I could stick to a diet like you did, I am going to try some of those recipes they look yummy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sara! It was definitely hard to stick to the diet in the beginning, but now that I'm really into it, it's hard to not stick to it! I never would have thought that! Thanks so much for the support, and I'm so happy to hear you'll be trying out the recipes! :)

      Delete
  16. Katie,
    You look amazing and really are an inspiration to all those that struggle! I agree with everyone else that I never saw you that way and had no idea that you struggled with so much! But i am so proud of you for being able to put your story out here for all to read and be such an inspiration! You are one strong woman and deserve much applause for being so brave! Your receipes look amazing and I cannot wait to try them and follow along through all your success!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, Sam! That was all so nice of you to say! I was really scared to put my story out there, and to share my past (and current) weight/size with the world, but I'm so glad I did it! I've gotten so much feedback from people telling me that I'm an inspiration and that is just amazing to me! Thank you, so, so, much for the support and kind words! It means so much.

      Delete
  17. Hi, Kate. I just found you today, but I started my (current, 1000th) weight loss journey the day after you posted this! Coincidence? I think not!!! Tee hee!!! I was "destined" to find you!!! I'm a measly 5 ft. 3 in., and started off at 256.4 lbs - not my heaviest ever, but close to it. Thanks to the internet and the billions of fantastic recipes, I've been able to really revamp the way I cook (I live alone, and although I love to cook, I HATED cooking for just me, but it's FUN again, trying all these new recipes!!!). So, it's been what, about 10 weeks, and as of Monday, I'm down to 239.6 lbs! I haven't seen the 230's in about 6 years, so this is exciting!!

    I'm so glad to have found you, and I'm bookmarking you so that I can find you again! If you're interested, I post my new found gems on my own blog - kittygram.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Becky!

      I'm so happy we found each other :) I would LOVE to follow your blog, and I am bookmarking you at this very moment!

      I know how you feel, I've lived alone for most of my life, and always found that cooking for one was more of a hassle than a fun experience. But, with the right recipes, it really can be fun! For me, there's nothing I love more than taking my favorite unhealthy recipes, and recreating them with healthy ingredients without sacrificing taste!

      I hope you achieve your health and fitness goals, and I look forward to reading all about your success!

      Best Wishes,
      Kate

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...